The Long Road Up
by ANK1983
Summary: Completely AU. What if Jax never died? What if he chose a different path after that conversation with JT? What if it was possible for Jax to find happiness and love again? This is my take on how things could have gone if Jax Teller had lived.
1. Chapter 1

_***Ok, so i'm taking a little time from writing my current story because I have an idea for another story. This time it's a Jax story. IF this first chapter gets a lot of views, likes, faves and reviews, then I will make this my next project. This story is, at the moment, untitled, but again, ideas from you guys would be great.**_

_**I got the inspiration for this story when I listened to a song called Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran. So I hope this one goes over as well as my Juice story, Home is Where You Will Always Belong.**_

_I've been spinning now for time_  
_ Couple women by my side_  
_ I got sinning on my mind_  
_ Sipping on red wine_  
_ I've been sitting here for ages_  
_ Ripping out the pages_  
_ How'd I get so faded?_  
_ How'd I get so faded?_

_ Oh, no, no, don't leave me lonely now_  
_ If you loved me how'd you never learn_  
_ Ooh, colour crimson in my eyes_  
_ One or two could free my mind_

_ This is how it ends,_  
_ I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream._  
_ Fading out again,_  
_ I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream._  
_ So tell me when it kicks in._  
_ Well, tell me when it kicks in._

_ I've been looking for a lover_  
_ Thought I'd find her in a bottle_  
_ God, make me another one_  
_ I'll be feeling this tomorrow_  
_ Lord, forgive me for the things I've done_  
_ I was never meant to hurt no one_  
_ I saw scars upon a broken-hearted lover_

_ So tell me when it kicks in._

_ All the voices in my mind_  
_ Calling out across the line_

_ Tell me when it kicks in_  
_ I saw scars upon her_  
_ Tell me when it kicks in_  
_ Broken-hearted_

* * *

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at the girl that he had picked up that night at the local bar and then he looked over at the white lines on his coffee table. He had no idea how his life had gotten to this point, everything had gotten so out of control. He looked down at the rolled up twenty dollar bill in his hand and then stood up and made his way to the couch. He remembered that there was a time when he hated junkies and didn't want to have anything to do with them and now he was a junkie himself. He sat down, put the end of the bill against the table, pressed his nose against the other end and snorted, deeply. He tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling and waited for the drugs to kick in.

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes remembering that moment exactly 4 years ago when he gave up the life that had consumed him, turned him into the monster that he was when everything came crashing down around him.

**FLASHBACK**

**_He was sitting on his bike with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and stared at his father's memorial. He took a deep breath and continued speaking to his father as if he were sitting right beside him. "__It's not too late for my boys. I promise they will never know this life of chaos. I know who you are now.. and what you did. I love you dad."_**

**_He got up and se his helmet and glasses down underneath the inscription on the rock wall and then straddled his bike. At that very moment, he thought that he had everything planned out. He knew exactly how things were going to end for him, but he had changed his mind at the last minute. He all of a sudden felt that he should fulfill his wife's dream and get out and try to start a new life away from this life, the only life, that he knew._**

**_Jax had seen the cop car pull up on the other side of the road and he knew that it would only be a matter of time before he realized who Jax was. So without a second glance, he kick-started his bike and took off hoping that the cop wouldn't clue in until after he was far enough away. He turned and looked behind him with a smug smile on his face and drove out of Charming for good._**

He opened his eyes and sat up. He reached over for his bottle of Jack and took a big gulp before putting his head in his hands. He had thought in that moment four years ago, that maybe escaping Charming once and for all and fulfilling Tara's dream was a good idea. But now, looking back at that day, he now saw that running his bike into the front of the "Papa's Goods" truck and ending it right then would have been a better idea.

He had nothing left to live for. His wife, Tara, was killed by his mother. He had killed his mother because that's what had to be done, but even four years later all those memories haunted him on a regular basis. He took another sip of Jack and took another snort from the table and then stood up. That's why he had taken to alcohol, cocaine and sleeping with a different woman every night. He had hoped that all of these things would help him forget the pain that he felt in his heart, but it barely numbed it. There were not enough drugs and not enough alcohol in the world to take away the pain he felt everyday, all day long.

He grabbed his bottle and then made his way over to the mirror in the bathroom. He stared at his almost 40 year old body in the mirror. He had obviously let himself go since the drugs and the alcohol took over, but he still didn't look too bad. He had lost a lot of weight, his blond hair was longer and unkempt, his blue eyes had lost their shine and they were sunk in. To sum it up, he looked sick, actually, he looked like death.

His eyes moved from the ones staring back at him to the tattoo on his chest and the one on his left arm. The tattoos of his sons' names, Abel and Thomas. The thought of them and the memories he had of them are what gets him through everyday. He still, to this day, thought he had made the best decision to leave his boys with his ex-wife and his mom's boyfriend. He couldn't think of two better people to raise his children than Wendy and Nero. He hoped everyday that they had done what he asked and raised them away from Charming and away from the club. It was a life that he never wanted his children to know. He wanted them to grow up and become the boys and the men that their mom had always wanted them to be and not the monster that he had become.

He had been living under an alias for four years in a small apartment in a suburb outside of Seattle, had found a job at an automotive shop. Some people knew the truth about who he was, but he didn't trust a lot of people. At one point, he thought that he could possibly love again. He had met a beautiful woman about two years ago, but despite how hard he tried to make it work with her, she deserved better than him. He was a criminal and a monster and to be quite honest, when his wife was killed, she took his heart with her.

He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes, threw his head back and downed the rest of the bottle of Jack. His life was shit and he wished that he had ended his life four years ago when he had the chance. He stumbled over to the couch and took one last snort before he leaned back against the couch and became lost by the darkness that slowly consumed him.


	2. Chapter 2

_***This chapter was inspired by the song All You Did Was Save My Life by Our Lady Peace. **_

_**Not every chapter will be inspired by a song, but there are songs that pop into my head that give me ideas for the next part of the story. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

_You, looked at me as you walked in the __room_  
_ Like the red sea, you split me __open_  
_ Somehow I knew these wings were stolen _  
_ All you did was save my life _

_ Tried to run but I couldn't move _  
_ Well I paid for these concrete __shoes_  
_ Like a singer that sings the blues _  
_ You saw hope in the hopeless _

_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was save my life _  
_ Pulled me out of that flat line _  
_ Put the heartbeat back inside _  
_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was get me through _  
_ I owe every breathe to you _  
_ Heart and soul unparalyzed _  
_ All you did was save my life _

_ Save my life _

_I'm not for sale but I've been sold _  
_ The more I hear the less I know _  
_ The lies are swallowed whole _  
_ In there insignificance _  
_ The story's been told a million times _  
_ but it's different when it's your life _  
_ I won __the lottery__ tonight _  
_ The lottery tonight _

_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was save my life _  
_ Pulled me out of that flat line _  
_ Put the heartbeat back inside _

_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was get me through _  
_ I owe every breathe to you _  
_ Heart and soul unparalyzed _  
_ All you did was save my life _

_ I started to come around _  
_ The dogs are backing down _  
_ I'm not afraid to see _

_The devil's gone underground _  
_ This tightropes been cut down _  
_ And I can finally breathe _

_ You, looked at me as I walked in the room _  
_ Like the red sea you split me open _  
_ Somehow I knew these wings were stolen _

_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was save my life _  
_ Pulled me out of that flat line _  
_ Put the heart beat back inside _

_ I'm not dying _  
_ All you did was get me through _  
_ I owe every breathe to you _  
_ Heart and soul unparalyzed _  
_ All you did was save my life _

_ All you did was save my life _  
_ (Put the heart beat back inside) _  
_ All you did was save my life _  
_ (Put the heart beat back inside) _  
_ All you did was save my life_

* * *

When Jax opened his eyes, he was looking into the eyes of a nurse looking down at him. He squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light and he looked around in confusion.

"What the hell?" he groaned, "Why am I in the hospital?" He looked up at his nurse and his heart began to pound in his chest and he panicked. "Rebecca?" he asked in disbelief. She smiled slightly at him as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. "Hi Jax," she replied quietly.

Jax shook his head, feeling like he was in a dream. Rebecca was the woman that he was with a couple years ago. She was also from Charming way back when. Rebecca and his wife, Tara, were really good friends in elementary school and junior high before he came in and swooped Tara off her feet. Rebecca was always in the background and he had always known that she had secretly wished that she was in Tara's shoes. She was always a nice girl, but he never noticed her, at least not the way she had wanted him to. Rebecca had left Charming around the same time Tara left for Chicago and he never saw her again.

He remembered back to the day that they ran into each other a couple years back.

**FLASHBACK**

_**Jax walked out of his dealer's apartment with his cocaine stash for the week and began walking down the street. He loved the feeling of being able to walk down the street and having no one recognize him. It had been his goal for the last two years to keep a very low profile. He knew that there were SOA charters all over the states of Washington, Oregon and California and most of them knew who he was. But if any of the charters ever got word that the Mayhem vote wasn't carried out, he was pretty sure that someone would see to it that he met his fate. **_

_**"Jax Teller?" he heard someone call out behind him. He put his head down and grumbled. "Shit," he whispered to himself. "Jax Teller, is that you?" the same woman said again. Jax turned around and looked into a pair of beautiful deep brown eyes. He couldn't believe how much she looked like Tara. He recognized this woman standing in front of him, but at that particular moment, he couldn't remember where he knew her from or what her name was. "Yeah, I'm Jax," he replied, trying to act sober, "I'm sorry, I don't know how I know you." "I'm Rebecca Thomson," she replied, "I went to school with you and Tara. Tara was my best friend in elementary school and junior high." As soon as she said that, it all came flooding back to him.**_

_**"Hey," Jax said, smiling his million dollar 'Teller' smile, "Sorry, it's been so long. Rebecca its so great to see you." "You too," she replied, leaning in to give him a quick hug, "I'm so sorry Jax, about Tara. I was so sad when I heard that she was killed." "Yeah," Jax replied, looking down at his hands, "Thanks Rebecca. I miss her very much." "What brings you to Seattle?" she asked him as they began walking towards downtown together, "Did you switch charters?" "I had to get away," Jax replied quickly, not really feeling like getting into the truth with her, "I am no longer part of the SONS." Rebecca looked down at her feet and Jax could tell that he made her feel awkward.**_

_**He stopped walking and reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her. Her hand was warm and it felt good to touch her. "Hey," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. It's just been a rough couple years. I didn't mean to snap at you." "It's ok," she replied, "I understand. I didn't mean to pry." "It's ok Darlin," he replied, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly, "I can't today, I've got somewhere to be, but did you maybe want to go for dinner tomorrow night? We can talk and catch up. I promise I will tell you everything you want to know." Rebecca smiled up at him and nodded her head. "That sounds like a good idea," she replied, "I'll meet you here tomorrow at 7?" Jas turned and looked up and noticed that they were standing in front of a nice looking Italian restaurant. "Perfect," he replied, "I'll see you at 7."**_

* * *

"Why am I in the hospital?" he grumbled, "How did I get here?" "Jax you overdosed on cocaine and Jack Daniels," Rebecca replied, running a warm cloth over his forehead, "A woman, I'm assuming she was with you for the night, called 911 when she found you passed out and barely breathing on the couch." "Jesus Christ," he mumbled to no one in particular, "She should have just left me to die."

Jax was not prepared for what came next. "What the hell?" he growled at her as her hand made contact with his face. "You son of a bitch," Rachel said through clenched teeth, "You are so selfish, it makes me sick. Have you ever thought that some people might actually care about you and whether or not you live or die?" Jax looked at her like she had two heads. "Why do you care so much?" he asked her, rubbing his hand over his cheek, "I was never good for you and I was hardly ever sober when we were together. All I could think about was my next fix and my next drink. You don't need that in your life. I already told you that. You need someone who can take care of you and sweetheart...I'm. Not. That. Guy."

The look she gave him was a look like he had just slapped her across the face. He could see the hurt in her eyes and he just wasn't ready to deal with it right now. He just wanted to get back on his feet and get his next fix. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from her. "Please leave," he mumbled, "I want to be alone."

After a couple minutes of silence he heard the hospital room door close and then it was silent. He knew he had been rude to her and he knew that he had hurt her, but it was the only way for him to keep his distance. He was protecting her from the evil that resided within him. It didn't matter how he felt about her, he didn't think that he would ever be the man that he once was and he would never be the man that she needed or could rely on. At least not while the drugs and alcohol had control over his life.

He reached up and turned off the light, engulfing himself in darkness and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to come.

* * *

Jax opened his eyes several hours later and Rebecca was sitting in a chair beside his bed. "What are you doing here?" he mumbled, "Don't you ever go home?" She lifted a duffle bag up on his bed and looked at him. "I'm taking the next week off," she replied, looking down at him, "And you get discharged today." "So," Jax snapped. Thank God, he thought to himself, the sooner he could get himself some more cocaine and another bottle of Jack, the better. "So," she replied, glaring at him, "I'm taking you home with me." "Like hell I am," he sneered, "That decision is not up to you." "You need to detox, and you need someone to take care of you while you go through it," she replied like she hadn't heard him, "Once you detox, you will be going to rehab and getting yourself back on track. If you don't come home with me today, I know where the Sons of Anarchy Tacoma Charter is based and I will turn you in to them. Don't think for a second that I am bluffing."

Jax's jaw hit the ground. This woman had balls. He knew there was a reason why he had fallen in love with her a couple years ago. She was so similar to Tara, but at the same time, she had other characteristics that he was incredibly attracted to that didn't remind him of Tara.

"How many times have you tried to save me before Becca?" he asked her quietly. "Several," she replied, "Why?" "How many times were you successful?" he continued. "Not once," she mumbled. "Then why do you want to keep subjecting yourself to disappointment?" he asked her, looking into her eyes, "You know this attempt will be the same as the last one a couple years ago. So why bother?" "Because this is not the life Tara would have wanted for you," she shot back, "I will try and I will try again and I will keep on trying until it kills me to make sure you are ok. You may not have Tara anymore, you may not have your mom and you may not have your club, but you have me, if you would accept me as your friend, and you have those beautiful little boys of yours that you need to see again. They deserve to know the man that I believe you can be, not the man or the monster you remember yourself being."

He leaned his head against his pillow and let out a deep sigh. "Fine Becca," he mumbled, "Try your damndest to make me better. I'm a lost cause."


	3. Chapter 3

**_*I'm sure a lot of you think that this is a Tara replacement story and now that I've stopped and re-read the first two chapters, I can understand why you would think that. I'm being completely honest when I say that that wasn't my intention at all. I hope to build something real between these two and not something based on memories of Tara (if that makes any sense). Rebecca is her own woman, maybe in some ways she is even stronger than Tara was._**

A few days later Rebecca sat in her living room with a cup of coffee and was watching her one year old daughter, Anna, play with her toys on the rug. Her baby girl turned her head towards her and gave her a big smile. Rebecca got up and sat down beside Anna on the floor and looked into her bright blue eyes and ran her hand through Anna's blond hair. Anna was the best gift that Rebecca had ever received. She certainly wasn't planned, but for the last 13 months, Rebecca had felt joy like she had never experienced before.

Rebecca turned her head when she heard the spare room door close. Jax was wrapped up in a blanket as he slowly made his way down the hall and into the living room. He hadn't said two words to Rebecca since they had left the hospital together three days ago and since then he has been detoxing and in an extreme amount of pain. She knew he was pissed off at her for trying to save him again, but she had told herself that if she ever ran into him again and he was in the same condition as 22 months ago, she would make sure he got better.

"I'm sorry I've been such a dick the last couple days," he said quietly, sitting down in a chair across from where she was sitting on the floor, "I just...the thought of not knowing what I will do with my life after I get sober is terrifying to me. I've always known what I was supposed to be doing and now I don't have anything left." "I know it's tough Jax, to find meaning in your life," Rebecca replied, "But you will find a new meaning and purpose for your life. There are people out there that think you are dead and you abandoned your sons because you didn't think that you could offer them the life they deserve. But despite what you may think, those boys and those people that think you are dead, _they_ need you."

He nodded his head to acknowledge her and then looked over at Anna. "She's beautiful," Jax said quietly, "How old is she?" Rebecca didn't want to have this conversation right now, but she knew it was going to happen sooner or later. "She is 13 months old and she is the love of my life." "Wow," he stated, "You didn't waste any time after I left, did you?" Rebecca winced at this, it was like he had slapped her across the face.

She remembered that day like it was yesterday. Her and Jax had mutually agreed that their relationship could never go any further than friendship. They agreed that trying to be in a relationship would prove to be too difficult emotionally and mentally, for both of them. That agreement was quickly forgotten when one day he had showed up at her apartment. He had been sober for three days and the clarity of everything in his life was too intense for him, including his feelings for her, and he desperately wanted a drink or another cocaine fix. He had explained to her that being with her was the only thing keeping him from caving into the temptation.

**FLASHBACK**

_**"What are you doing here?" Rebecca asked as she let Jax into the apartment. They had had a massive fight a few days ago. She had told him that she could no longer be near him if he wasn't willing to clean himself up and get sober. "I've been sober since I left here three nights ago Becca," Jax replied, turning to look at her, "I had to be with you or be near you. The cravings are unreal and I don't want to succumb to them." **_

_**Rebecca followed Jax into the living room and sat down beside him on the couch. "I'm proud of you for holding on," she said quietly, looking over at him, "I have no idea what you are going through right now, but I'm sure this isn't easy for you. I'm glad you came here. I'm here whenever you need me." Jax smiled at her slightly and then looked down at his hands for a moment.**_

_**Nothing was said between them after that and Rebecca knew that he just needed her to be there with him in that moment. Nothing needed to be said.**_

_**Rebecca lifted her head up and looked at Jax at the same moment that he looked over at her. In a matter of seconds his lips were pressed against hers in a fiery kiss. Goosebumps appeared all over her body and she reached up and grabbed his hair in her hands. She had thought and dreamt of this moment since she was in junior high. She forced herself to turn her brain off and not think about the consequences of this moment because she knew the list would be numerous.**_

_**Jax lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom and she didn't say a word as he closed the door behind him.**_

* * *

Rebecca shook her head to clear her mind and then looked up at Jax who was now sitting on the floor beside her, playing with Anna. He was still the same guy that she was with back then, but he looked incredibly different. He was skinnier, his eyes were sunken in and he just looked unwell. The drugs and alcohol had done more damage than she had originally thought.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her as he made a stuffed bunny dance for Anna and she giggled. Rebecca smiled at the interaction. "Nothing," she replied. "Why do I get the feeling that you aren't being honest with me?" Jax asked her, looking up at her. "I was thinking about that night that you showed up at my door," she replied shyly, "How I wished so badly that you would have stayed sober after that." "I was stupid," Jax replied, "When I woke up the next morning I panicked. You looked so amazing laying there beside me and I so badly wanted to stay with you, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay. So I did the only thing that I knew how to do. I left and went straight to my dealer and then the liquor store. I've been messed up ever since."

Rebecca wiped the few tears that had escaped with her hand and looked at him. She knew that she had to tell him the truth, but right now, in the middle of his detoxing, was not a good time to drop a bomb like the one she was holding on to. She was sure that it would freak him out and send him into a tailspin if she told him right now.

"Jax, will you do something for me?" Rebecca asked him hopefully, "Or, if not for me, then for yourself or for your boys." "I can't promise anything," Jax replied, "But I can try." She knelt on her knees in front of Jax and reached for his hands. "There is a 6 month rehab centre just down the block from the hospital," Rebecca started, looking into his eyes, "Will you please give some serious thought this week to going there after you are done detoxing? I think if you don't give this some real consideration you might not be so lucky next time. I'm not going to beg you to go Jax, but I just thought I would throw it out there." "I'll think about it," Jax said quietly, "Like I said, I can't promise you anything, but I will definitely think about it."

Rebecca watched as he stood up, quickly kissed her on the forehead and made his way back to the spare room. Her heart sank a little. She didn't want to seem pushy and she didn't think she was, but she also couldn't just expect him to jump up and do what she wanted either. She pulled her baby girl into her lap and Anna cuddled into her arms. Her only dream, hope and prayer at this moment was that she could make an effort to save her baby girl's daddy.

* * *

Jax curled up on the bed in the spare room and stared at the wall. He was cold and the headache was intense and excruciating. He pounded his fists against the mattress and groaned into the pillow. This whole detox thing hurt so much. He knew that Rebecca was just trying to help and he appreciated that, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to change his life. He turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and forget about reality for awhile. He didn't have to face the real world and quite honestly, he didn't want to.

The look on her face when she asked him to think about rehab crushed him. He wanted so much to make her happy and go through the program, but he didn't think that he was at that place yet where he could swallow his pride and go. At this point, he still wasn't sure if he even wanted to see Abel and Thomas. He was afraid it would confuse them and cause them unnecessary pain. But maybe there was that possibility that he could get his life back on track and make an effort to be a constant in his boys' lives. He didn't know what he wanted in life right now. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got about it.

He closed his eyes and rolled over on his back. How did he get to this place and why couldn't it just be easy to give the shit up? He could feel the hot tears flood his eyes and he could no longer stop them from falling. He knew he had to make a change, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to make it happen.


	4. Chapter 4

_***This chapter and probably a few more after this were inspired by Fix You by Cold Play. I hope you guys enjoy this and for those of you who are ify about this story, I hope that it is slowly growing on you. The reaction that I have been getting from some reviewers was exactly what I was hoping for. It's different and it's not at all what you were expecting. I wanted to write this story from a different angel and I think I achieved that goal.**_

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
_ When you get what you want, but not what you need_  
_ When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_  
_ Stuck in __reverse_

_ And the __tears__ come streaming down your face_  
_ When you lose something you can't __replace_  
_ When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
_ Could it be worse?_

_ Lights will guide you __home_  
_ And ignite your bones_  
_ And I will try to fix you_

_ And high up above or down below_  
_ When you're too in love to let it go_  
_ But if you never try you'll never know_  
_ Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_  
_ And ignite your bones_  
_ And I will try to fix you_

_ Tears __stream__ down your face_  
_ When you lose something you cannot replace_  
_ Tears stream down your face_  
_ And I..._

_ Tears stream down your face_  
_ I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_  
_ Tears stream down your face_  
_ And I..._

_ Lights will guide you home_  
_ And ignite your bones_  
_ And I will try to fix you_

* * *

The next morning after Rebecca's mom came and picked up Anna for the day, she was sitting at the kitchen table staring down at a piece of paper with a phone number on it. Did she dare call, she wondered to herself. The last thing she wanted to do was create unnecessary chaos. She knew that phoning them and telling them that Jax was still alive was only fair to them, but maybe it would do more harm than good. She took a sip of her coffee and took a deep breath before picking up her phone and dialing the number.

It rang three times before someone picked up. "Hello," a small boy said into the phone. Rebecca's heart began to pound in her chest. "Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?" she asked sweetly. "Mommy!" the little boy yelled, "Phone for you." Rebecca took a couple deep breaths before a different voice came on the phone. "Hello," she said. "Hi, Wendy?" Rebecca said sound uncertain. "Yes," she replied. "Wendy, I don't know if you remember me, my name is Rebecca Wilcox," she replied, "I was really good friends with Tara and Jax back in our school days." "Of course, Rebecca, how are you?" Wendy asked nicely, "Didn't think I would ever hear from you. What's this about?"

Rebecca stood up from the table and began pacing the kitchen unsure of how to approach the subject. "I'm calling about Jax," Rebecca replied quietly. "What about him?" Wendy asked, sounding confused, "He died four years ago. It was a Mayhem vote. I thought you may have heard that through the grapevine." "Wendy, Jax is not dead," Rebecca replied, "It is the story they are telling everyone because if they knew he was still alive, they would hunt him down and kill him."

There was a very long silence on the other end and Rebecca could have sworn that Wendy had hung up. "How do you know this?" she said in almost a whisper. "Because I ran into him a couple years ago," Rebecca replied, "And then he disappeared and reappeared four days ago in the hospital because of a drug and alcohol overdose. I have him at my place. He is detoxing right now, but I don't really know what his plan is after he is done detoxing." "Holy shit," Wendy replied, "I always thought you were an amazing person. Always wanting to take care of people and being there for people. But I find it really hard to believe that he turned into an alcoholic and a junky." "It's devastating Wendy," Rebecca replied, "I didn't think it was possible. But the cocaine and alcohol has completely changed who he was before he lost everything."

"Why are you telling me this Rebecca?" Wendy asked. "Would you be interested in trying to start over with him?" Rebecca asked curiously, "If he got himself cleaned up?" "Rebecca, I never wanted him to be out of our lives," Wendy replied, "I didn't know anything that had happened until Nero told me a few weeks later. Of course if he wanted to give it another shot with the boys, I would love for that to happen."

Rebecca smiled to herself. "Did you get involved with him?" Wendy asked, catching her off guard. "Ummm...it was short lived," Rebecca struggled to get the words out, "It last a couple a months, but he was more stoned and drunk than he ever was sober and one day he freaked out and left. I never saw him again until four days ago when I was doing my shift at the hospital and he was one of my patients." "Good lord," Wendy exclaimed, "Are you a doctor too?" "No," Rebecca laughed, "I'm a registered nurse." "I was going to say," Wendy replied, "Although a nurse isn't too far off from a doctor. Jax sure has a thing for women in the medical field." Rebecca bit her bottom lip and didn't respond to that.

"I know it might come across as a silly question," Wendy said after a moment, "But why do you want to help him so much? He's a stubborn ass, I'm sure you at least know that much. If you have tried before, multiple times, then why waste your time now?" Rebecca knew Wendy was going to ask that and she wasn't sure if she should tell her the truth or not. "I have my reasons Wendy," Rebecca replied feeling that this was the best answer she could give her at the moment, "But I'm not going to lie. I have feelings for him and it is in my nature to want to make things and people better. That's just how I roll." "Fair enough," Wendy replied, "Look, Rebecca, I have to go. I have to get the boys to school, but please, call me daily if you have to. Just keep me posted on how Jax is doing." "I will Wendy," Rebecca replied before saying good-bye and hanging up, thankful that Wendy didn't push her for more answers.

* * *

Jax sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the stack of papers in his hand. Once Rebecca had gone to bed the night before Jax had snuck out of his room and did his research on the computer. He had located the rehab centre that Rebecca was talking about and read through every page before he decided that he was going to print out the paper work and think about it over the next couple days. After he had printed everything out and went back to his room to try and sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Before the night was over all of the forms were filled out and he managed to sleep peacefully for a couple hours after that.

He was amazed how his attitude changed in a matter of hours. He was excited to tell Rebecca. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a white tank top and his favorite baseball hat and walked out of his room and down the hall towards the kitchen and living room.

Rebecca looked up at him from her place at the table and gave him a small smile. "Good morning," she said happily, "Did you want some coffee?" She was about to get up and get it for him when he put his hand up. "I can get it," he replied and he dropped a stack of paper on the table in front of her. "What's this?" she asked as he walked into the kitchen to grab himself a cup of coffee. "I've made up my mind Becca," Jax stated as he sat down at the table across from her, "I'm almost 40 years old and I can't continue to live my life like this. I'm going to need your help and your support through this, but I'm ready to get better."

She looked up from the forms in her hand with tears in her eyes. "You really mean it?" she asked him, her eyes looking hopeful, "You really want to do this?" "Every time you kept mentioning my boys, all I was hoping is that some day maybe Wendy will be ok with me seeing them from time to time," Jax stated, "I know I'll never be able to go back to Charming, but I at least want my boys to know me as a new man and not the monster that I was."

Rebecca stood up from her spot at the table and made her way over to him. His heart was pounding in his chest as she got closer to him. Rebecca wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close. Jax wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her, burying his nose in her hair, which smelt of strawberries.

"Thank you Jax," she whispered quietly, "It won't be easy, but I'll be there for you every step of the way." Jax didn't quite understand why she was thanking him when he was the one that should be thankful to her. "If anyone should be saying thank you Rebecca, it's me," Jax said quietly looking into her eyes, "I can't promise anything and I know that it is going to be hard, but without pressuring me, you encouraged me to go. I want to give the rehab thing a shot. I truly do, but I need you. I need a really good friend right now and you have been nothing but amazing during all this."

She looked up at him and smiled. In truth though, Jax wanted to be more than just friends, but an actual relationship was not what he needed right now. He needed to know that Rebecca was behind him 100% and that she supported him as he took this next step. He smiled back at her and then quickly pulled away from her. The urge to take her into his arms and kiss her and love her was ridiculous at that moment and he knew he had to put some distance between them.

Rebecca reached down and grabbed the forms in her hand. "I'll take these to the rehab centre and I'll bring back a drug test for you to take," Rebecca said quietly, "I think you need to have detoxed for at least a week before they will admit you into the program." Jax nodded his head in agreement. "Sounds good," Jax said, "I'll be here when you get back." She grabbed her purse and walked over and kissed him on the forehead before she left the apartment.

He leaned back in his chair and watched her until she closed the door behind her. He could do this, he had no choice.


	5. Chapter 5

_You look so wonderful in your dress_  
_I love your hair like that_  
_The way it falls on the side of your neck_  
_Down your shoulders and back_

_We are surrounded by all of these lies_  
_And people who talk too much_  
_You got the kind of look in your eyes_  
_As if no one knows anything but us_

_Should this be the last thing I see_  
_I want you to know it's enough for me_  
_'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

_I'm so in love, so in love_  
_So in love, so in love_

_You look so beautiful in this light_  
_Your silhouette over me_  
_The way it brings out the blue in your eyes_  
_Is the Tenerife Sea_

_And all of the voices surrounding us here_  
_They just fade out when you take a breath_  
_Just say the word and I will disappear_  
_Into the wilderness_

_Should this be the last thing I see_  
_I want you to know it's enough for me_  
_'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

_I'm so in love, so in love_  
_So in love, so in love_

_Lumière, darling_  
_Lumière over me_

_Should this be the last thing I see_  
_I want you to know it's enough for me_  
_'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

_I'm so in love, so in love_  
_So in love, love, love, love,_  
_So in love_

_You look so wonderful in your dress_  
_I love your hair like that_  
_And in a moment I knew you..._

* * *

Wendy was in shock. She could not believe that Rebecca had just called her out of the blue to tell her that her ex-husband was still alive. Wendy had no idea what to do or how to process the information. She had promised Rebecca that she wouldn't say a word to anyone at that point and she would keep that promise, but she didn't know how she was going to keep it from her husband. Wendy was a horrible liar when it came to Nero.

Her and Nero was never really part of the plan. She had taken Abel and Thomas down to Norco where Nero had bought his uncle's farm, but she had every intention of getting a job and raising the boys on her own. Her and Nero always had a good relationship, but somewhere down the road something just changed between them. Wendy couldn't explain it.

Wendy looked in the review mirror at the boys in the back seat. Abel had grown up into such a young man and at the age of 9, he was absolutely the sweetest boy she ever knew. And then there was Thomas who was 5 and she could tell just by looking at him that he was going to be an absolute charmer like his father had once been. She smiled to herself as she pulled into the school parking lot. "I love you guys," she called as they let themselves out of the car. Both Abel and Thomas smiled at her and waved goodbye.

As she pulled out of the parking lot, she found herself thinking about her husband and the way things had changed for them. 5 years ago Wendy never would have imagined that she would be married to her ex-mother in law's boyfriend.

**FLASHBACK**

_**Wendy sat at the kitchen table and watched Nero as he pulled open the fridge and pulled out a beer. "I'll have one too," she said to him. He nodded in acknowledgement and pulled out a second beer. Things had been tough the last few months as they tried to adjust to their new lives in Norco. Abel and Thomas had been completely uprooted from their lives in Charming and it left them confused and it left Abel angry. Thomas didn't really know the difference because he was so young, but Abel certainly hadn't adjusted easily to his new life. **_

_**"How you doin mama?" Nero asked her as he handed her the bottle, "You seem pretty stressed out." "Abel had a tough day today," Wendy replied before taking a sip of her beer, "He was cranky and absolutely impossible to deal with. He's asking questions that I don't know how to answer." "What's he asking you?" Nero said as he sat down beside her and put his hand on top of hers. **_

_**Wendy looked down at his hand on top of hers and she could feel something stir within her. She looked up into his eyes and quickly looked away. It took a few seconds for her to process his question because she was instantly confused by the feelings she was experiencing. **_

_**"He asked about Jax and about grandma Gemma," Wendy replied, looking down at their hands again, "I know the answers, but I didn't know how much to tell him. I told him that Gemma left without telling anyone where she was and that his daddy was involved in an accident and was now up in heaven with Tara. But somehow I think he knows I'm leaving parts out and he is angry and frustrated. He still doesn't understand why his daddy left him. I will tell him the truth when he gets older, but I just think he is much too young to understand the truth right now." **_

_**Nero squeezed her hand and smiled at her. She appreciated the reassurance. Somehow Nero always managed to make her feel at peace. "Wendy, you're doing a good a job with those boys and I think you made the best decision with Abel at this point," Nero stated, "You will know when the time is right to tell him everything you know." She smiled at him and they sat in silence for awhile.**_

_**Things were quiet and she began to feel at ease. Nero stood up and reached his hand out to her. She reached for his hand and he pulled her up and without thinking things through, he pulled her into his arms. She looked at him for a second before she did the only thing that was running through her mind at that moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. He sighed against her lips and pulled her tighter against him, if that was even possible. **_

_**Wendy was completely lost in the moment and she didn't realize how strong her feelings for Nero were until now. Nero pulled away from her slightly and looked into her eyes. "You are amazing Wendy," Nero said quietly, "I'm so lucky to know you and I'm proud of how you stepped up to the plate when those boys needed you the most." "I love you," she whispered before she could stop the words from coming out of her mouth. She had no idea how long she had loved him, but she just knew that she did. "I don't know how I could've have done this without you by my side Nero," she continued quietly, "I would have been so lost." Nero looked into her eyes, not saying a word at first and Wendy instantly went into a panic.**_

_**Nero pulled her back into his arms and held her, running a hand through her long hair. She laid her head against his shoulder and sighed. No matter what he was thinking, she couldn't take back those words.**_

_**"I love you too baby," Nero whispered.**_

* * *

Wendy smiled at the thought. She could still remember how her heart almost bounced out of her chest when he said those words back. They had struggled a bit in the beginning of their relationship with trying to deal with helping the boys adjust and Nero still going through the grieving process after losing Gemma, but somehow they made it through the biggest storm of their life.

As she continued to drive back home, she continued to think about her life and how she had come out on top, but the thing that was most prominent in her mind, was how she going to keep the fact that Jax was alive from Nero.

* * *

Jax sat at the kitchen table later that afternoon and looked down at the number that he had written down on a piece of paper and then stared at the phone in his hand. He knew he had to make this call, but he was terrified and wasn't sure what the reaction would be. Without giving it another thought and throwing caution to the wind Jax turned the phone on and dialled the number in front of him and let it ring. It rang five times before someone answered.

"Hello," a female voice said on the other end. "Ummm hi," Jax said quietly, vaguely recognizing the voice, "Is Filip there?" "Yeah, one sec," she replied. Jax's stomach was doing nervous flips and he felt like he was going to be sick. "Yea," a gruff voice said a few seconds later. "Chibs?" Jax said quietly, knowing there was only two ways this could possibly go. He would either hang up or it would be a very awkward first conversation after five years. "Aye," Chibs replied, "Whose this?" "I need you to have an open mind ok?" Jax said, trying his best to remain calm in the circumstances. "My mind is as open as they get buddy," Chibs replied, "Who is this?" "It's Jax," he replied in barely a whisper. "I'm sorry," Chibs stated, "I believe you are full of shite!" "I'm not joking Chibs," Jax replied. "I was told Jax was killed," Chibs replied in shock. "That's what I wanted everyone to believe," Jax replied, "I was a mess. My life was a complete disaster. It still is, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive."

It was silent for a long time before anything else was said and Jax thought, for a moment, that Chibs had hung up. "Is this the number I can reach you at?" Chibs asked quietly. "For now," Jax replied, "But in about a week I will be unavailable for 6 months." "Ok, I just need some time," Chibs replied quickly, "I'll give you a call back after I've processed this." Before Jax could say anything else Chibs had hung up and he heard nothing but silence on the other end. "That went better than expected," Jax said to himself.

He put the phone down on the table just as there was a knock on the door. He slowly made his way to the door and there was Rebecca's mom holding Anna in her arms. "Hi Jax," Jane, Rebecca's mom said, "Something came up and I need to drop Anna off. Is Rebecca home?" "Umm no," Jax replied as Jane thrust Anna into his arms, "She was out running an errand for me and then she got called into the hospital until about 6:00." "Would you be ok with taking her for a couple hours?" Jane asked, smiling sweetly at him.

Jax really didn't feel comfortable because he wasn't sure how Rebecca would feel about him being left alone with her. He looked down at Anna and she looked up at him with her big blue eyes and then leaned her head on his shoulder. His heart melted and he was smitten. "Sure, I don't mind," Jax replied, "I'm sure Rebecca won't mind." Jane looked at him for a moment curiously. It was almost like she knew something that he didn't, but then the look quickly disappeared. "Thank you so much Jax," she replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and kissing Anna on the forehead.

Jax stood there with Anna in his arms as he watched Jane disappear out the front door. He looked down at the beautiful girl in his arms and then leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Well beautiful," Jax said quietly, "I guess it's just you and me." Anna smiled up at him and then pointed over to her toys on the floor. "Sure, let's go play," he said smiling back at her. He walked over to the carpet in the living room and put Anna down on the floor. He watched as she played with her toys and he had a weird feeling in his gut. Anna was beautiful and her eyes were blue like his and her hair was blond like his. She didn't look much like her mother. He quickly threw the notion that he was her father out the window, it couldn't be possible.

* * *

When Rebecca walked through the door around 6:00 she saw Jax sitting on the floor with a cup of coffee in hand and her beautiful baby fast asleep in his lap. They were perfect, she thought to herself. She smiled at him as she dropped her purse on the table and then took a seat on the couch beside him.

"Was she a good girl?" Rebecca asked him, "I'm sorry about that, leaving you alone with her." "She was amazing," Jax replied, smiling at her, "We had a fun afternoon. I wasn't sure if I should let her sleep too long though. She has only been asleep for about 20 minutes." "That's ok, she will still sleep tonight," Rebecca replied, "I dropped your paperwork off at the rehab centre. You are scheduled to go in next Tuesday." "Thanks Rebecca for doing that," Jax replied quietly, "I really appreciate it." "I would do anything to help you get better Jax," Rebecca replied, "You are worth it to me."

Jax gently moved Anna to the chair and sat down on the couch beside Rebecca. "I don't understand why," Jax replied, looking at her, waiting for an answer. Rebecca looked at him long and hard and stayed silent for a really long time. She took a deep breath before she spoke. "She's the reason why," Rebecca replied, looking over at Anna, "She needs her daddy." You could hear a pin drop it was so quiet. Rebecca had promised herself that she wouldn't say anything to him until after he was out of rehab because she didn't want to be the reason that Jax had a psychotic break, but she decided to take that chance.

Jax's face went white and he turned his face quickly away from her. Shit, she thought to herself, I knew this was a bad idea. She could only imagine the scene that was about to unfold in her living room and quite frankly, it terrified her.

"I thought she looked like me," Rebecca heard Jax whisper more to himself than to her. "What?" Rebecca asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. "The last few days... I just noticed the same features in her that I recognized in myself," Jax replied, turning to look at Rebecca again, "You certainly don't have blonde hair or blue eyes and while you have a beautiful smile, a gorgeous smile actually, Anna doesn't have the same smile." "No, you're right," Rebecca replied, slightly guarded and aware that this conversation could possibly take a turn for the worse, "She absolutely has your smile." "She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen," Jax said, smiling slightly, "A perfect combination of you and me. We may not be perfect, but she is."

Rebecca was in awe of how well Jax was taking the news. He was letting it settle in and he was approaching the situation in a positive way. She looked into his eyes and she could see sadness and happiness on his face.

He got serious at that moment. "Why did you keep this from me?" Jax questioned calmly, "She is a year old and you never told me." Rebecca instantly got defensive. "You walked out on me Jax," Rebecca pointed out, "Things got too serious and you left. You fell back into your addiction and fell off the face of the earth. Besides, you were hardly in a position to be a father figure a year and a half ago." Jax acknowledged what she said and he nodded his head. "What made you tell me now?" he asked her quietly. "I can see that you are really trying to turn your life around," Rebecca answered honestly, "I know that you are doing this for yourself and for Abel and Thomas, but I thought maybe if you knew about Anna, just a little baby, that you would do it for her too. She already loves you and she is going to need a father. She is going to need you."

Rebecca and Jax sat in silence for a couple moments when he reached over and grabbed her hand. His hand was warm and slightly sweaty, but she placed her small hand in his and looked into his eyes. "Thank you," Jax whispered, "I will do right by both of you."

_*I know it's been a long time, but here is the next chapter of my third story. I hope you enjoy it and I will continue to update as soon as I can. Thanks for reading and I look forward to reading your reviews!_


	6. Chapter 6

Chibs sat on his couch with a beer in hand and stared at the television. He had switched to a football game, but he wasn't really watching it. Ever since the phone call from Jax, or someone claiming to be Jax, he hadn't really been able to think of anything else. For the last four years he had been lead to believe that Jax had been killed by some Sons member who had gone rougue, but that apparently wasn't the case. He needed to confirm this, but he wasn't sure who to bring into this situation.

"Are you ok babe?" Alethea asked as she walked into the living room from the kitchen, "You haven't been yourself since that phone call a few hours ago." Chibs looked up at her and she was still as beautiful as she was when she turned his life upside down about 5 years ago. "Yeah, love," he replied absentmindedly, "Everything is fine." She handed him a beer and sat down beside him and he put his arm around her.

Things had gone south really quickly for the two of them right before Jax had left and he certainly hadn't planned on her ever coming back into his life. She was the Sheriff of Charming and he was an outlaw, nothing good was to come from that, but somehow they could not keep their hands off each other. Shortly after things began, they came to an abrupt halt. Despite how he felt about her, he knew that they couldn't become anything more, so he rudely pushed her out of his life. That was until about 4 months after Jax had supposedly been killed, when she just showed up on his doorstep.

**FLASHBACK**

**_Chibs was astonished when he opened his front door and there stood Sheriff Jarry._****_ "_****_What the hell?" he mumbled. _****_He had wondered for the last four months where she had disappeared to. _****_After the last time they spoke to each other, she had disappeared off the face of the earth._****_ "_****_Where have you been?" he asked her rudely._****_He hadn't intended for it to come out that way, but it did anyways._****_ "_****_Well it's not like you cared when you pushed me to the curb four months ago," she replied sarcastically._**

**_He rolled his eyes at her and held the door open._****_ "_****_So to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" he asked as he followed her into his house._****_ "_****_I quit my job," she replied, "shortly after Gemma and Unser were murdered and you ended it with me. _****_I couldn't handle the pressure anymore of working in a small town and the complications that come with it." _****_Chibs looked at her for a minute._****_Needless to say, he was shocked._****_He knew she loved the job and he never thought she would crack under the pressure of working in Charming._****_ "_****_Plus you kept haunting my thoughts," she stated quietly, "I couldn't keep doing what I was doing and be with you. _****_I tried to push you out of my mind, but after a couple months I knew I had to quit. _****_I knew I had to risk losing everything I had worked for to fight for the one thing I truly wanted."_****_ "_****_Which was?" he questioned, looking down at her._****_ "_****_You," she replied, "I knew there was a good chance that things were really over, but I had to try."_**

**_"_****_You quit a job you loved with the hopes that you would one day become my old lady?" he scoffed, "Please tell me that's not true. "_****_She hung her head and kicked her feet against the floor._****_ "_****_I know," she said quietly, "It's sad but true." _****_His heart was racing. _****_He never thought, in a million years, that he would be that important to someone._****_ "_****_You know if that were to happen that you would be a part of the life that you despise," Chibs responded, trying to act like he wasn't happy that she sacrificed her dreams to be with him._****_ "_****_I'm aware," she replied, "But I'm willing to look the other way… if it were to happen." _****_Without another word he pulled Alethea into his arms and pressed his lips against hers._**

* * *

He kissed her forehead and smiled at the memory. She had been his old lady ever since and the club hadn't had a problem with it. They had done some serious investigating into whether or not she was telling the truth, but when they had exhausted every possible option, they gave up. They had definitely had their ups and downs, but aside from that, the two of them have been pretty happy together.

They both looked up when they heard a motorcycle pull into the driveway. Chibs got up and walked to the window just as Happy was walking up the pathway. "It's Happy," Chibs said, turning to look at Alethea, "Give me a minute." She nodded her head and went back to watching TV.

"Brother," Chibs said as he walked out onto the step, "What's going on?" "Not much Chibs," Happy stated, "Was checking in." "Well you have perfect timing," Chibs stated, sitting down on the step, "I've got something I need to talk to you about. But for now, this has to stay between us." "Sure man," Happy replied, sitting down beside him, "What's going on?" "I received a rather disturbing phone call a few hours ago," Chibs said, looking at Happy, "And I need you to investigate. Maybe you can take a trip back to your old stompin grounds and take a look around." "You want me to go to Tacoma?" Happy asked curiously, "What's in Tacoma?" "It's actually Seattle," Chibs replied, "And I have reason to believe that Jax is there." Happy's jaw hit the ground in surprise and then he shook his head. "That can't be," Happy stated, "We were told he was killed shortly after he left Charming. What reasons do you have for believing this?" "Because he was the one who called," Chibs replied.

Happy stared at Chibs in disbelief. "You know how crazy this sounds right?" Happy asked, "This sounds absolutely bat-shit crazy." "I know how it sounds," Chibs replied, "But I need you to check it out for me." "What do you want me to do with what I find out?" Happy asked, "Do you want me to finish it? Or what is going to happen?" "God no Happy," Chibs replied, "I never wanted Jax dead, ever and neither did the rest of our club. So no, Jax does not meet Mr. Mayhem, but we definitely have to approach this with caution." "Of course pres," Happy replied, "I will head out in the morning and see what I can find or dig up." "Thanks Hap," Chibs said as he stood up, "You want to come in for a beer?" "Would love one," Happy replied.

* * *

Later that night Jax put Anna in her crib after her bottle and she looked up at him. He was amazed at how well he took the news from Rebecca. He understood why she had kept it from him because she was right, he had been in no position to be a father to her when she was first born. "I love you little girl," he said quietly, smiling down at her. She grinned back at him and his heart jumped in his chest. He leaned down and kissed her little forehead and then quietly left her room and closed the door.

He walked out into the living room where Rebecca was cleaning up Anna's toys. "Did she go down ok?" she asked once she was done. "Yeah," he replied, watching her as she tidied up the coffee table, "She's kind of perfect isn't she?" Rebecca smiled at him and then sat down on the couch. "Yeah, she kind of is," she replied, "I never thought I could love anyone so much. But Anna proved that it was possible." "I'm so sorry Becca," Jax said quietly, sitting down beside her, "I never meant to come into your life and turn it upside down." She looked over and him and he reached for her hand and held it. "You didn't turn it upside down Jax," she explained, "Despite the few ups and downs, you have only made my life better. You gave me Anna, that's better than anything else I could have asked for."

In that moment he realized that there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel that he had been stuck in for years. He knew that Rebecca and Anna would be waiting for him at the end and possibly, they could become a family. That was if it was what Rebecca wanted. He was in love with her and he knew he had a few more hurdles to climb over before he could start any kind of life with her, but he hoped with everything that he was that he had a chance.

"I love you Jax," he heard Rebecca whisper, "Please don't forget about us while you're getting better." He glanced over at her and the way she was looking at him, he wanted her right there, right then. "Come here," he said, holding out his hand. She hesitantly reached for his hand and he pulled her into his lap. He slowly ran his hands down her arms and over her legs and she straddled him and he could tell that she was responding to him no matter how hard she tried to act like it wasn't getting to her. "What are you doing?" she asked quietly, looking into his eyes, "Jax, this probably isn't a good idea. At least not right now." "Why not right now?" Jax asked her, "why does it make any difference if we wait or if we act on our feelings right now?" "I'm afraid that when you do get out you won't want to be with me," Rebecca responded looking down at her hands which had found their way into his rough calloused hands, "I just don't want to get my heart broken again Jax."

Jax looked at her and he could see the fear in her eyes. "Rebecca, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be going to rehab," Jax replied, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, "I am doing this for me. But I am also doing it so I can be the father that my kids need me to be and the man that you need me to be. I'm not going to change my mind about wanting you or being with you." "Jax, you are the only one I want," Rebecca replied, "You have been for a long time." "I'm not that special Becca," he said quietly. "You are to me," Rebecca replied, ever since elementary school."

They sat there in silence for a couple minutes looking into each other's eyes and Jax knew that this was it for him. Rebecca was the one he was meant to be with. "Let me love you then," Jax said quietly, reaching up and putting his hand on her cheek, "Let me show you what you mean to me."

Rebecca looked at him for a moment and then slowly lifted her hand up and ran her it through his hair. "Do you love me Jackson?" She asked in a whisper. In that moment Jax wasn't sure if much in his life, but the one thing he was sure of was that he was in love with her. "Rebecca, I didn't think it was possible for me to move on," Jax said quietly, "But you are proof that that is possible. You saved me from myself and I love you more than you know."

She smiled slightly at his response and then she leaned in and pressed her lips against his. "Love me," she whispered.

She didn't have to ask him twice.


	7. Chapter 7

**_*So this chapter is shorter, but it is a very special chapter (not to mention kind of sexy). I hope you all enjoy :) Thank you for reading!_**

_You're the light, you're the night_  
_You're the color of my blood_  
_You're the cure, you're the pain_  
_You're the only thing I wanna touch_  
_Never knew that it could mean so much, so much_

_You're the fear, I don't care_  
_'Cause I've never been so high_  
_Follow me to the dark_  
_Let me take you past our satellites_  
_You can see the world you brought to life, to life_

_So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do_  
_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do_  
_Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do_  
_What are you waiting for?_

_Fading in, fading out_  
_On the edge of paradise_  
_Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find_  
_Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire_  
_Yeah, I'll let you set the pace_  
_'Cause I'm not thinking straight_  
_My head spinning around I can't see clear no more_  
_What are you waiting for?_

_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do_  
_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do_  
_Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do_  
_What are you waiting for?_

_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)_  
_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)_  
_Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do_  
_What are you waiting for?_

_I'll let you set the pace_  
_'Cause I'm not thinking straight_  
_My head spinning around I can't see clear no more_  
_What are you waiting for?_

_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)_  
_Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)_  
_Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do_  
_What are you waiting for?_

* * *

Rebecca's skin was on fire as Jax ran his hands down her shoulders. No one had ever had this effect on her and it blew her mind the sensations that were shooting through her body. His lips on her face, her neck, her stomach, it took everything in her not to cry out in pure pleasure. Jax's arms were wrapped around her body, holding her close to his and his lips were pressed firmly against hers. Rebecca couldn't breath or think straight. Al she saw were stars.

_Love me, love me..._Rebecca's mind trailed off. Jax thrust his hands into her hair and pulled gently as he gently coaxed her mouth open to gain entrance. She opened her mouth with not much of a fight and she moaned quietly as he slid his tongue inside and caressed hers in a seductive and intoxicating way. Rebecca had been waiting for this moment to come again for two years. Jax's warm, strong hands quickly, but carefully undid the buttons of her sweater and pushed it off in one swift movement. He moved his lips from hers back down to her neck and over her shoulders. She closed her eyes and ran her hands through his hair, holding onto him tightly.

She reached down and he lifted his arms up as she pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor. His eyes burned into hers as her hands trailed down his body to the waistband of his pants. She slowly and torturously teased him before she actually undid the button on his jeans and slowly slipped her hand inside and began rubbing him. She watched as he closed his eyes and his mouth fell open. She bit her bottom lip as she felt him grow in her hand. He felt so good and she couldn't stand the thought of waiting another minute longer to feel him inside her.

After a couple minutes of working her magic on him, he stopped her and stood up, lifting her up in his arms as he did. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as he walked her into her bedroom. He ran a hand through her hair and kissed her softly on the lips before he laid her down on the bed. "You are stunning Darlin," he whispered as he looked down at her. She smiled shyly up at him and her eyes then travelled over his body. He looked so sexy with no shirt and his pants half undone. He put one knee on either side of her on the bed and leaned down and kissed her stomach softly and running his tongue from spot to spot, stopping in the middle to run his tongue around her belly button. As he did this, he slowly moved his hand down and ran it over her jean covered leg and just brushed over her. She whimpered and thrust her hips up in response. "No yet baby," he whispered against her stomach, "Good things come to those who wait... patiently." He winked at her and went back to what he was doing. He moved up and reaching his hands under her back, he undid her bra in one swift movement and threw it on the floor. He ran his hands over her breasts and then leaned his head down, wrapping his lips around one nipple while his hand massaged the other one.

Good God, she thought to herself, I don't remember it being this good when we were first together. She grabbed the sheet with one hand and thrust her other hand in his hair and bit her lip to keep herself from crying out too loudly. After a couple minutes, he abandoned that part of her and moved his way back down. He slowly undid the button on her jeans and then got off the bed and pulled her pants down along with her panties. He dropped her clothes on the floor and admired her body from where he stood. While he did this, he slowly removed his pants and boxers and then crawled slowly onto the bed on top of her.

Her whole body felt like it was on fire and she could feel the excitement pooling between her legs. He gently put his weight on her and leaned down and kissed her forehead, her nose, each of her cheeks and then ended at her lips. "A life with you Becca," Jax said quietly, "That's what I'm fighting for and I want you to hold onto that while I'm gone. Promise me, that you will hold onto that." "I promise," Rebecca replied in a shaky voice, "I'll be here waiting for you when you get back." With that response he pressed his lips against hers in a blazing, passionate kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to let him in and she moaned as the kissed deepened. He reached down, without breaking the kiss and spread her legs with one hand and then he slid himself inside her. Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt him fill her up entirely. Nothing in the world seemed more right in that moment than the two of them. This was how it was meant to be.

* * *

A few hours later Rebecca opened her eyes and noticed that Jax was not beside her. She assumed that he was out in the living room because she could hear the TV, but she just had to check for herself. She slipped on Jax's t-shirt and quietly made her way to the living. Her heart fluttered in her chest and the tears sprang to her eyes. Jax was laying on the couch, fast asleep with Anna sprawled out on top of him. She was sleeping peacefully, her head resting on his chest and one hand wrapped around his neck. This sight absolutely brought happiness to her heart as she stood there and continued to watch them sleep. She slowly tip-toed to the kitchen table where she had left her phone and then went back and quietly, and hoping that the flash wouldn't be too bright, took a picture of them. She made a mental note to make a copy of this for Jax so he could take it with him to rehab.

She leaned down and kissed her beautiful baby on the cheek and kissed Jax on the forehead. "This is my family," Rebecca said quietly to herself with a content smile on her face. She couldn't have been any happier that things were slowly falling into place.


End file.
